Forgiveness Starts With You

Analyzing The Woman In The Mirror

Lately, I have noticed that when I wake up (like most people) I go directly to my phone. Checking on notifications, responding to text messages/emails, and ultimately enter the trap of scrolling through the social media apps. As we know, starting the morning like this can truly set the tone for the day to be unpredictable. You have no idea what you will see, whether it’s something heartwarming, funny, sad, informative, or simply depressing. As the new year started, I wanted to change how I started my mornings, because unfortunately when I open my eyes, my mind immediately goes to heavy overthinking. I noticed that instead of investigating why I may have certain thoughts, I would use scrolling as a quick escape until it was time for me to get out of bed. My father always said that before your two feet hit the ground, you need to thank God that you have the privelage to see another day. As time passes, I can admit that my father’s wisdom continues to show up daily in my life, and in this matter, he was right…again.

Being in a constant state of “should’ve, could’ve, and would’ve,” will definitely support the loop of an overcrowded mind. I would think about things that I have said, did, or reacted to and would analyze whether I made the right decision or reacted in the right way. It is very easy to be defensive to protect yourself, especially when being confronted about how you made someone feel. I know the importance of taking accountability, but we rarely discuss that taking accountability is also in some form, being exposed. There has to be a level of vulnerability, understanding, and self reflection to truly acknowledge your faults and coming to an authentic agreeance in areas that needs improvement. All of this sounds so easy, doesn’t it? Accept what you did, seek understanding and simply do better, but why do we sometimes make it so hard? Taking accountability will open up the hard truth that in addition to wanting forgiveness from others, you should also seek forgiveness within yourself.

It is very easy to have a conversation that others have moved on from, but yet you constantly replay. Those replays would happen in the morning for me, and would lead to me feeling very off and sad. I needed a change to interrupt my own thoughts, and knew that the way I have been starting my day was emotionally dangerous. To change the routine in my morning, I decided I was going to have a very intentional process:

• Pray as soon as I open my eyes

• Drink warm water with lemon

• Listen to faith based music or inspirational videos

• Write in my gratitude journal, followed by my journal

• Read my devotionals and speak to God about what is on my mind

After this was completed, this is when I would respond to calls, messages, and emails. The goal is to do all of this prior to reaching for my phone, and I have to say that I have noticed a difference in my morning being softer and less anxiety driven. The other day, as I was writing in my journal, I asked God to help me move on from the past and regret. Thinking about past mistakes, and actions will mentally paralyze you, but it was truly getting to me deeply. I wrote my thoughts in my journal and remember lifting my head back in defeat. I opened up my devotion of the day and the title read “ Leave The Baggage Of The Past!.” I immediately started laughing, because whattttt??!! The very concern I was sharing with God, is the VERY answer he provided- just that quick.

In the devotion, this is what stood out to me:

“Right now stop stressing about all the things that went wrong in the year that has past. Forget about your mistakes. Or better yet, learn from them and do not make the same mistakes again.’

Talk about divine timing. I needed this message urgently and so happy that I was consistent with my devotional readings, if not I would have missed this message. This is where I realized that even if people have forgiven you and have moved past it, if you don’t release what happened, it will be harder to move on. There is also a possibility that relationships will end, and you also have to make peace with that as well. I truly believe that with flaws and all, whoever is meant to be in your life will be. I have made many mistakes, reacted in ways that I am not so proud of, and made decisions based off of fear, avoidance, and inadequacy. This is where the exposure comes in, forgiving yourself forces you to look at yourself in the mirror- but seeing exactly what is, a person growing.

The future looks better already, we have to reframe our minds to believe it is. Life is moving fast, and there is no way that you will live a full life being chained to the past, especially when you have the privelage to make YOU better. It is definitely a process, but worth going through. This requires NO time, forgive yourself NOW. It really is that easy, and if you need to forgive yourself 77x in a week, so be it! Do it until the remnants of despair has left your heart. This is something that I am actively working on, and I still have moments where its challenging, but I am ready to do the work. Take accountability and simply move forward. If God has moved on, who am I to stay stagnant? As important it is to forgive others, remember to start with yourself first, it will make every other challenge so much smoother to face. It’s time to smile from the inside out, it’s time to be free from our mistakes and past. Embrace forgiveness softly and be open to what will flourish afterwards, you deserve another chance- take it.